John Matuszak was a 6’8″, 280-pound football player for the Oakland Raiders. His public image was that of a havoc-wreaking, heavy-drinking, hard-hitting player who was as much of a threat off the field as on. But friends knew “Tooz,” as they called him, as a 280-pound puppy dog just begging to be loved.

According to Los Angeles Times writer Mark Heisler, John Matuszak was “beset by fears he couldn’t acknowledge.” As a young boy, he was ridiculed for his gawky, beanpole appearance. And he had two brothers who died of cystic fibrosis. The tough-guy image that Tooz had created was a fortress for him to hide in. But he got trapped there. After years of alcohol and drug abuse, John died of a massive heart attack at age 38.

The story of King Saul bears some striking similarities. He too was a monster of a man, a fighter. He was also driven by fears (1 Samuel 18:29). Because he tried to cope with them in his own strength instead of turning to the Lord for help, his life came to an untimely end (31:4).

Father, no matter how big we may appear on the outside, sometimes we feel very small on the inside. Forgive us for putting up a false front and pretending we’re strong enough to handle life on our own. Help us to trust You more.